10 Commandments for Electoral Success in Victoria

1]  Don’t stand if you’re not a lawyer and had a proper job –  you’re ruled out for the electorate as a real person

2]  Resist moving the lips – the electors will know you’re lying

3]  Never answer a question yes or no – the electors will fall off their chairs

4]  Never start a response with honestly – the electors will turn off in disbelief

5]  Promise the world to electors  – words cost nothing

6] Splash the electors’ cash –if your’re caught, plead the headaches and hide away from the Blue Heelers

7]  Photo shots with dogs and cats – electors might believe you’re human and decent

8]  Subscribe to Ancestry – you’re all Greek/Italian/ Lebanese to the electors

9] Eat meat pies – it’s good enough for the PM, but write off the vegetarian vote

10] Don’t dine with crims and order the pasta– electors might believe you’re looking for dough